Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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