So drunk its hurt
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
