I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
