I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
