Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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