Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
