Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
