I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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