Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
