I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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