gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
