Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
