Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
