I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
