I want to walk on stilts...naked
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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