so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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