I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
