These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
