Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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