That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
