the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
