I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
