If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
