Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
