and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize