so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Congratulations! We have a period
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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