Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
