I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
