Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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