in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
operation have a gay friend backfired
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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