what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
