Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
