there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
