the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
