An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
