You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
