this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
