it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
