Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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