Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i love accidental penises.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
