Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
