My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
