im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
