Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
did i just pee glitter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
