Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
