I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
