My sheets look like a crime scene.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
