billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just googled if crying burns calories
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
