i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
