I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
