I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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