I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize