I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
