im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
