He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
