so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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