im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
