I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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