take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
