I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
