Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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