Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so let's talk penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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