I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
