I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
