Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
