the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
