so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have demons in me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
