I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
